we cuddled on the couch, took a break to see the fireflies glittering up the hazy rainy night, stayed up late, and I let him curl up and fall asleep on me as though he were still my little baby. he insisted on sleeping in my bed, as this could be the last night he gets to snuggle me. I obliged.
as we curled up, and snuggled up in my bed, he made the following observations, which I feel sum up my Year to Live Practice very well;
- The year went very fast, I remember everything. All the details. It seems like you just started yesterday.
- You're different because you don't just sit on the couch and do nothing, you're a good mommy and you play with me now.
- I like that you try all these new things, like the snowboarding, going to the gym and surfing and that you got me to learn those things with you too.
- You used to be so angry all the time, like mean and angry and now you're not.
- The mornings are cool because you don't yell so much anymore.
- I like that you do stuff with me, like play games and hang out like a real mommy.
- And the most important part is that you seem really happy a lot, and that's really cool.
- I'm glad you're not really dying, but if you were it would go so fast. I'm glad we played this game, because it was scary but good at the same time.
- I Love You Mamma.
I'm filled with GRATITUDE that this experience was so inclusive of him, and that he and I morphed together during this journey.
he promised, next time if I'm really dying, he'll snuggle me every night, even if he's all grown up.
if I didn't have this year on the line, I might not have had the wake up call about changing the way I parent. it brings me so much joy that my son has a mindful and present mom. I love being Z's mom, and I'm so glad I didn't let another second go by where I took that for granted.
I'm weepy.
ReplyDeleteThat is so sweet. Beautiful child.
ReplyDelete