this was posted to the Dharma Punx Hudson Valley group email list ---
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they say, in some circles.... it is about the progress, not perfection.
with certain types of work, it is easy to see progress through quantifiable means. but how on earth do you measure 'success' in spiritual practice?
for me, I need to look back at my past, and pin-point spaces in time to see how I perceived the world and how I reacted in it then, and make comparisons to where I am in this moment.
a little over year ago, green to daily practice, I craved the camaraderie of like minded spiritual seekers. I wanted a group of my own, a sangha!, to share ideas and meditation practice.
I didn't think I was worthy to lead the group by any means, so I went looking for the perfect teacher to guide us.
last September I took my first workshop with Noah Levine, and he told me, "just do it yourself, I know you can." this message was enforced by others such as Pablo Das and Tracey of Elm Street Collective. Not to mention the facilitators around the country who guided me and chatted with me over MySpace and chats.
Thank you Dharma Punxians Nation Wide!
They all instilled a sense of encouragement and quelled my self-judgment by giving me the impetus to ... as Nike says JUST DO IT.
a year ago, a few of us gathered at a little loft in Uptown Kingston, and began what is now known as Dharma Punx Hudson Valley.
flash back a year ago, shaking as I shared a reading with the group, wanting everyone in the group to like me, nervous and filled with self centered fears..... to now...
today, my priorities have greatly shifted. my perception of our group has altered. Dharma Punx Hudson Valley Group is my support network, a place to just be myself and not worry about the other stuff. I've been vulnerable and honest and my practice has catapulted forward greatly because of the generous support I've gotten from everyone who ever attended a meeting.
since starting this group, I've donated my time and energy to sharing the gift of meditation with countless others in rehabs, hospitals, schools and anywhere else they will have me.
I'm studying the foundations of buddhism and training to be a Dharma Punx Facilitator with Noah Levine at the Against the Stream Center in LA
mile markers. looking back a year ago to today.... the Dharma Punx Hudson Valley sangha has morphed, grown, shared, hosted retreats, put forth workshops, helped those in need... especially me.
it has been an HONOR and HUMBLING to be given the gift of facilitating this group.
please, come tomorrow and celebrate our One Year Anniversary. share in the gratitude I feel that our group continues to meet every week. without you guys, my practice wouldn't have progressed to the place it is now, a year older, becoming a sophomore, growing up, altering, changing and shaping things so differently.
big shout outs to EVERYONE who has EVER sat with us, even for just one time.
special request, please bring a reading to share with the group tomorrow. tomorrow's meditation is a special guided forgiveness meditation.
I METTA U Guys so so so so so much, and thank you for being a part of our Sangha!
jai bhagwan!
elissa jane
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Saturday, October 24, 2009
crossing the Equator
when we visited Africa back in 1991, one of the highlights was crossing the Equator. we traveled the Kenyan countryside in a van, exploring various parks and sights starting with the north and working our way south. the Equator pit stop was certainly a seasoned tourist attraction. our guide brought us through a village called Nanyuki, which catered to "our kind" complete with a gift shop. in the midst of the commercialism, we stood in front of a giant yellow sign adorned with a giant black red and green Africa symbol with "EQUATOR" stamped across the middle in bright red. I still have the photo.
one of the highlights of that day, was a demonstration with three little matchsticks and a bucket of water. our guide put the bucket down about 10 meters from the equator, and dropped the matchsticks into the bucket which had holes on the bottom for drainage. on the north side of the Equator, the water turned clockwise. as we crossed the equator, the water changed direction and turned counter clockwise.
my sister and I giggled, wondering if we'd ever look at a toilet the same again. the rest of the trip we spent on the southern part of Kenya, where, my sister and I flushed many a matchstick giggling with delight at the turn of events.
today I was thinking about my life and reflecting a little on life before and after my "Cleansing My Karma" light bulb moment.
before, my life was turning clockwise, a succession of choices leading me down a destined path. everything I willfully created and controlled, no matter how skillful, seemed to lead me to the same result. over and over, doing life in that way, lead me to that unenlightened place where dukka turned clockwise.
when I made the decision to take on meditation and buddhist practice and chose a spiritual way, the little sticks stood still, and then slowly began to turn another way.
slowly, my flow is moving counter clockwise. not so dissimilar from the Against the Stream theory. the work I'm doing is counter intuitive. it takes great courage and strength to not wallow in the dark, and stick with old habits in the clockwise spiral.
slowly, gradually, with slight fluidity, I'm learning that doing the right thing becomes easier, on the verge of intuitive. going counter clockwise is beginning to feel a little more comfortable, and doesn't look as strange when I peer into the vortex of the current.
I've flushed quite a few toilets since crossing the equator. I suspect, I have many many more flushes ahead of me.
coming to terms with the wreckage of my past may or may not just flow easily, like water turning down a drain. at least, for now, it's a different action, creating a different result. that has to be positive. undoubtedly, I'm guessing I'll need to break out the plunger many more times as I cross the equator into the other hemisphere.
one of the highlights of that day, was a demonstration with three little matchsticks and a bucket of water. our guide put the bucket down about 10 meters from the equator, and dropped the matchsticks into the bucket which had holes on the bottom for drainage. on the north side of the Equator, the water turned clockwise. as we crossed the equator, the water changed direction and turned counter clockwise.
my sister and I giggled, wondering if we'd ever look at a toilet the same again. the rest of the trip we spent on the southern part of Kenya, where, my sister and I flushed many a matchstick giggling with delight at the turn of events.
today I was thinking about my life and reflecting a little on life before and after my "Cleansing My Karma" light bulb moment.
before, my life was turning clockwise, a succession of choices leading me down a destined path. everything I willfully created and controlled, no matter how skillful, seemed to lead me to the same result. over and over, doing life in that way, lead me to that unenlightened place where dukka turned clockwise.
when I made the decision to take on meditation and buddhist practice and chose a spiritual way, the little sticks stood still, and then slowly began to turn another way.
slowly, my flow is moving counter clockwise. not so dissimilar from the Against the Stream theory. the work I'm doing is counter intuitive. it takes great courage and strength to not wallow in the dark, and stick with old habits in the clockwise spiral.
slowly, gradually, with slight fluidity, I'm learning that doing the right thing becomes easier, on the verge of intuitive. going counter clockwise is beginning to feel a little more comfortable, and doesn't look as strange when I peer into the vortex of the current.
I've flushed quite a few toilets since crossing the equator. I suspect, I have many many more flushes ahead of me.
coming to terms with the wreckage of my past may or may not just flow easily, like water turning down a drain. at least, for now, it's a different action, creating a different result. that has to be positive. undoubtedly, I'm guessing I'll need to break out the plunger many more times as I cross the equator into the other hemisphere.
Friday, October 16, 2009
totally forgot I was doing this Year to Live thing
early fall is always a turning point for me. sometimes it is gentle, but in this case, it was abrupt. the past month or so has been incredibly challenging. like the hardest my life has been for some time.
I've made some big choices, and transitions this year. Because of this practice, I stood up for myself in my professional life, applied and got into Bard, took on facilitator training, changed the Dharma Punx HV group to a longer format and took some big steps forward in my recovery. Man, I'm out of breath just typing this out loud.
Last month, my momentum seized. I've hit some big stumbling stones with parenting issues, entering the student population, my ex/divorce being expedited, getting back into freelance work and the layers of new stuff coming up. I've allowed these things to get in my way.
of course, here's the part where I remind myself... the greatest steps towards enlightenment come from the deepest moments of suffering.
with all the transition I've been facing, I forgot all about my Year to Live practice. it was as though I swept it under the rug hoping no one would trip on the giant lump in the middle of the proverbial floor.
what I didn't anticipate, was that the person stumbling would be me.
in my effort to tackle all these life changes, I totally let my simple meditation practice slip away. I had declared to take part in a 90/90 sit, increase my practice in the earlier part of fall, and become even more spiritual.
like a good little junkie, I got into it hard and burned out fast.
this is a little indicative of how I've approached my Year to Live practice.
but wait...
I'm dying, right? I can't get out of dying. I must trudge on.
they say, every time you bring your awareness back to your breath, you have a little awakening.
I'd like to think that I am having a little awakening now. it's time to bring my practice back, and be aware of the Year to Live practice I've committed to.
to my credit, I have been working on my amends, and cleaning up some mess. my acceptance of the divorce is huge. instead of fighting and prolonging, I've offered divorce to my ex as my amends. no fighting.
it all started with "I'm cleansing my Karma". it's time to get back to that and remember why I have chosen this path.
while my awareness of my Year to Live practice has waned the past month, I guess I need to acknowledge that I'm still doing it. I am making my amends, and cleaning up the things I want to take care of before I die.
just need to bring it back to my breath. Today. Breathe in. Breathe out.
I've made some big choices, and transitions this year. Because of this practice, I stood up for myself in my professional life, applied and got into Bard, took on facilitator training, changed the Dharma Punx HV group to a longer format and took some big steps forward in my recovery. Man, I'm out of breath just typing this out loud.
Last month, my momentum seized. I've hit some big stumbling stones with parenting issues, entering the student population, my ex/divorce being expedited, getting back into freelance work and the layers of new stuff coming up. I've allowed these things to get in my way.
of course, here's the part where I remind myself... the greatest steps towards enlightenment come from the deepest moments of suffering.
with all the transition I've been facing, I forgot all about my Year to Live practice. it was as though I swept it under the rug hoping no one would trip on the giant lump in the middle of the proverbial floor.
what I didn't anticipate, was that the person stumbling would be me.
in my effort to tackle all these life changes, I totally let my simple meditation practice slip away. I had declared to take part in a 90/90 sit, increase my practice in the earlier part of fall, and become even more spiritual.
like a good little junkie, I got into it hard and burned out fast.
this is a little indicative of how I've approached my Year to Live practice.
but wait...
I'm dying, right? I can't get out of dying. I must trudge on.
they say, every time you bring your awareness back to your breath, you have a little awakening.
I'd like to think that I am having a little awakening now. it's time to bring my practice back, and be aware of the Year to Live practice I've committed to.
to my credit, I have been working on my amends, and cleaning up some mess. my acceptance of the divorce is huge. instead of fighting and prolonging, I've offered divorce to my ex as my amends. no fighting.
it all started with "I'm cleansing my Karma". it's time to get back to that and remember why I have chosen this path.
while my awareness of my Year to Live practice has waned the past month, I guess I need to acknowledge that I'm still doing it. I am making my amends, and cleaning up the things I want to take care of before I die.
just need to bring it back to my breath. Today. Breathe in. Breathe out.
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