but, I'm POWERLESS

last week
it snowed
our internet went out
our phone shut down
our power turned off

we hudled in the dark
without the comforts we have grown attached to

the snow continued to fall
fall and fall
forcing us
to stay put, and deal with being home without the distractions that make emotional escape possible

no Tetris
no DVDs
no Phone
no iChatting
no Noisemaker
no Screens to tune out in front of

just us, in the darkened hazy stormy daylight barely cracking through the storm

these severe conditions
would have been enough to force us to grab sharp objects
and kill one and other
but ....

we didn't

I thought of my practice
what I wanted
and how I wanted my son to remember these days
stuck at home
with his Mommy

when the frustrations of cabin fever would grow
I looked at him and said, "I don't want to be that yelly mommy, let's come up with a code word. When we say it, we both Have to Laugh!"

"Banana Peels"

and so, it was settled
whenever one of us got testy, we'd say, "Banana Peels" and whether or not I felt like it, I'd laugh out loud
and then we'd giggle
and feel better

we struggled through the week, it wasn't easy
we curled up and slept in the small bed in my son's room and clutched each other for warmth
and there were moments I really thought I'd gone totally nuts
but we were Powerless
literally without Power

we had no choice

so I made the most of it
and loved each moment
and tried not to beat myself up for all the things I wasn't accomplishing

I had a lot of homework for school and my very late homework for Facilitator Training due
it didn't get done
and for that
I'm struggling

did I meditate?

um, NO
not the way I would have liked to
I was so uneasy
overtired
bad diet
bad sleep
cold
uncomfortable

but.... being Powerless did bring my son and I a very powerful bonding experience
and making the moments with my son count
has been a huge part of my practice this year

I made a promise to my son, to be on the computer less
and present for him more

this past week, he got his wish
NO computer
and 100% non-stop Mommy and Me time